She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
