i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize