This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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