My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
