can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
