I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
