we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
