she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
