Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
