I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize