I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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