OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
