Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
