Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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