We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
