forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
