she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize