My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
