I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize