So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
