watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
