Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
