Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
