White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
