I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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