I'm gonna have a badass scar
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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