it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
