I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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