Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
