The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
