If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
