I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
