Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
