just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
