i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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