I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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