Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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