Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
