There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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