There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
