I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize