next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
