Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
