I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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