I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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