we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
me + whiskey = a bad person
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
