had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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