I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
