i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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