he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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