someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
