im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
