So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
