Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
