Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
