You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
