If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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