there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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