I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
