I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
