I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Pooping to opera.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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