I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
