I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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