Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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