are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
