i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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