Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I still have a little drunk in my system
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
