i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
